Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
