I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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