I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
