I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
