i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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