When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
