check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Please don't give away my fajitas
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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