Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
