Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
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I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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