i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
