and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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