And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
