watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
