Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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