i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
