thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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