Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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