I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
