found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
