he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
