I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
