sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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