I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize