alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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