i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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