I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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