I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
