Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
