Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
