Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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