ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
