Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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