dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
