is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
