I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my being single is dangerous.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
