Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
