A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
