dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
