her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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