This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.