Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
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Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.