Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?