allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.