i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
