STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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