wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
