my shit smells like andre
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
