Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
