Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
