You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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