The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
