love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
