If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
