I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I believe in your delicious
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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