I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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