I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
