Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
