Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize