If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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