I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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