Who wears a wallet chain?!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she smelled like a LAN party
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
