I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
