remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
worst night to have a conscience
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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